No awkward lesbian experiences without me
sarcasm needs its own font
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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