Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Every concussion has its silver lining
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
