When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
