elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
