I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
