Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
