Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
