dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
