Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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