I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
