Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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