so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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