Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
