ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
