I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
