Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
