he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
