oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
