how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
