apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
