You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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