So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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