meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
