You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
