capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
