We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
