if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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