I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
