He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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