I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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