I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
