I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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