i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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