am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
