When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
