Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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