i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
