Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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