Just fell off a train. Bad.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
