You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
