In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
