Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
