Just fell off a train. Bad.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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