Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
