with your own penis?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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