and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
