Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
