so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
