The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my being single is dangerous.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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