I'm pants shitting drunk right now
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just had sex on a roof
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
